This story was written by Kayla. It has been conferenced by the teacher at conferencing time but not fixed up since then. Please leave any feedback about what you like or think I can improve.
My
heart was pounding, I was gasping for breath… Suddenly something that seemed
like a lighting bolt flew past me I didn’t know what it was then it turned and
looked at me. I asked, “Where are you going”? She announced, “To get the last
candy pop down the road” “What”? I shouted, “I’m going there too”! We both
looked at each other in anger soon we were sprinting down the road, 10 minutes
later we made it. We both gasped… The candy pop was gone! Soon I looked at her
“I remember you now, you’re my old next door neighbour”! I gasped “Yes I am”
she said back. We talked and talked until it was time to go home “Bye” I
mentioned. “Bye” she answered back. We both went down a sperate road and we met
the next day to play.
You used lovely describing words but I don't excactly who she is and separate is spelt wrong but it was amazing and painted a picture in my head.
ReplyDeleteJemma Room 15
I loved your story kayla it was really good but next time you should read through your story so you don't have any mastakes
ReplyDeleteFrom Shanaye Room 15
this is amazing I love the story I would think you were in year 11 its great by the way im from orchard junior school check out are blog thanks
ReplyDeleteThis writing has such a great opening sentence, it's starts the story off so intensely.
ReplyDeleteMrs Sutton-Reid (Albert Pye Primary, UK)
Great story well done
ReplyDelete