My heart was pounding in my ears I was gasping for
breath then suddenly splash I had fallen in to a pond. Then all my boot camp
friends ran back to me they said who’s lunch now. What do you mean help me out
but they just stood there and read the sign. Muddy pond you will get wet stuck
and you will become lunch for the ells it was to late I was out. Claudia my boss ran to her car and
drove it to the pond the girls lifted me in to the car and Claudia drove me to
the hospital. The doctor told me that I would have to get an operation then he
left the room. Claudia said I better tell the girls what’s happening. So she
left. Then a handsome prince walked in. Need a hand with that ell no. I nearly
fainted. He ripped the ell of my leg and then he kissed me I did not fell a
thing and when he stood back I looked at my leg and it looked like nothing had
happened. I stood up and thanked him and we walked out and lived happily ever
after.
Awesome writing! There's a little bit that doesn't quite make sense.
ReplyDeleteRuby
I saw the bit that u said did not make sense thats because it has been deleted not to shore how.
DeleteBrylie
Lovely to see you put so much thought and imagination into your work Brylie (Mum)
ReplyDeleteBrylie, I love the introduction in this piece of writing because of the images that you have managed to paint with your words. I feel like I am there when I read it... There are places though that I found it hard to picture what you meant because you haven't used punctuation.
ReplyDeleteOops I was reading it and i saw some mistakes. I will ask Miss Kerr if I can fix it.
DeleteBrylie
What a funny ending! It sounds like a half fairy tale and half horror.
ReplyDeleteNext time, try to use some speech marks!
Class 5A
Albert pye Primary
Thanks for the advise i'll do that in my next pice.
DeleteBrylie